Wan Zhang asked Mencius, “May I ask about the principles of making friends?”
Mencius replied, “In making friends, one must not rely on one’s seniority in age, one’s noble status, or the power of one’s brothers. Friendship is about connecting with a person’s virtue; there should be no ulterior motives or reliance on worldly advantages.
Meng Xianzi was a high minister with a hundred chariots, and he had five friends: Yuezheng Qiu, Mu Zhong, and three others whose names I have forgotten. When Meng Xianzi befriended these five men, he completely set aside his status as a high minister. And if these five men had harbored thoughts of his noble status in their minds, they would not have befriended him either.
It is not only high ministers who act this way; rulers of small states do as well. Duke Hui of Fei once said, ‘I treat Zisi as my teacher; I befriend Yan Ban; as for Wang Shun and Chang Xi, they merely serve me.’
It is not only rulers of small states; rulers of large states do this too. When Duke Ping of Jin treated the hermit Hai Tang, he entered only when told to enter, sat only when told to sit, and ate only when told to eat. Even if served coarse rice and vegetable soup, he never failed to eat his fill, for he dared not eat otherwise (out of respect). Yet, it ended there. He did not share the heavenly ranks with Hai Tang, did not let him govern the heavenly duties, and did not let him partake in the heavenly salary. This is merely the way a scholar respects the worthy, not the way a ruler respects the worthy.
When Shun went to pay respects to Emperor Yao, the Emperor lodged his son-in-law in a secondary palace and entertained him. They took turns being host and guest; this is an example of the Son of Heaven befriending a commoner.
When those below respect those above, it is called honoring the noble; when those above respect those below, it is called honoring the worthy. Honoring the noble and honoring the worthy share the same underlying principle.”
Note
This passage from the Wan Zhang II chapter of the Mencius systematically articulates the core Confucian thoughts on the “way of friendship” and the “etiquette of respecting the worthy.” Drawing on historical context and traditional commentaries, we can understand its philosophy through the following dimensions:
- The Essence of Friendship: “Befriending Virtue” and Personal Equality
Mencius proposed the highest principle of friendship: one must strip away all worldly labels of status, age, and power. True friendship is based on “befriending virtue,” a mutual appreciation of each other’s moral character. Through the example of Meng Xianzi befriending five commoners, Mencius vividly depicted this transcendence of class-based personal equality: in the face of morality, there is no distinction between a high minister and a commoner. This broke the absolute constraints of the feudal hierarchy on interpersonal relationships and established the independent and egalitarian Confucian view of friendship. - The Hierarchy of Respecting the Worthy: From “Scholar’s Respect” to “Ruler’s Respect”
Using the example of Duke Ping of Jin and Hai Tang, Mencius offered a profound critique and elevation of “respecting the worthy.” Duke Ping was extremely respectful and obedient to Hai Tang in daily life, but only stayed at the level of personal courtesy, without granting him actual political power (“did not share heavenly ranks, duties, or salary”). Mencius argued that this was merely a scholar’s respect. True respect from a ruler must involve integrating the worthy into the core of national governance, allowing them to truly participate in managing the empire. This reflects the strong Confucian political demand for “practical application” and “placing the worthy in office.” - The Unity of “Honoring the Noble” and “Honoring the Worthy”: A Bilateral Moral Contract
At the end of the passage, Mencius made a highly significant political philosophy assertion: “When those below respect those above, it is called honoring the noble; when those above respect those below, it is called honoring the worthy. Both share the same underlying principle.” In traditional patriarchal society, “honoring the noble” (subordinates obeying superiors) was a unilateral demand to maintain rule. Mencius, however, added “honoring the worthy” (superiors showing reverence to subordinates), transforming it into a bilateral moral contract. This means that power and status are no longer grounds for arrogance; only by demonstrating reverence for morality and talent can a ruler’s rule possess true legitimacy.
萬章問曰：「敢問友。」
孟子曰：「不挾長，不挾貴，不挾兄弟而友。友也者，友其德也，不可以有挾也。孟獻子，百乘之家也，有友五人焉：樂正裘、牧仲，其三人，則予忘之矣。獻子之與此五人者友也，無獻子之家者也。此五人者，亦有獻子之家，則不與之友矣。非惟百乘之家為然也。雖小國之君亦有之。費惠公曰：『吾於子思，則師之矣；吾於顏般，則友之矣；王順、長息則事我者也。』非惟小國之君為然也，雖大國之君亦有之。晉平公之於亥唐也，入云則入，坐云則坐，食云則食。雖疏食菜羹，未嘗不飽，蓋不敢不飽也。然終於此而已矣。弗與共天位也，弗與治天職也，弗與食天祿也，士之尊賢者也，非王公之尊賢也。舜尚見帝，帝館甥于貳室，亦饗舜，迭為賓主，是天子而友匹夫也。用下敬上，謂之貴貴；用上敬下，謂之尊賢。貴貴、尊賢，其義一也。」
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