The Master said, “Be strict with yourself and lenient in blaming others, and you will stay far from resentment.”
Note
This saying from the Analects – Lunyu embodies the Confucian principle of “turning inward for self-examination” and offers practical wisdom for interpersonal relations.
“Be strict with yourself”means holding oneself to high standards and engaging in deep reflection on one’s words, motives, and faults; “lenient in blaming others”means being forgiving toward others’ shortcomings or offenses rather than harshly condemning them.
Confucius observed that interpersonal conflict and resentment often stem from double standards: indulgence toward oneself but severity toward others. By reversing this – demanding more of oneself and less of others – one naturally reduces friction, earns respect, and thus “stays far from resentment.”
This is not passive appeasement but an active moral practice: transforming relationships through self-cultivation rather than through accusation. It aligns closely with Analects 15.21: “The noble person demands of himself; the petty person demands of others.”
In communal life, this attitude fosters tolerance and harmony. Leaders who embody it inspire loyalty; ordinary individuals who practice it reduce disputes and enhance their moral influence.
This teaching is especially relevant today: in the age of social media, people readily criticize others and magnify their faults while rarely reflecting on themselves. Confucius reminds us that the starting point for resolving conflict is looking inward, not pointing outward.
In short, Confucius teaches: Being strict with oneself and lenient toward others is the fundamental path to avoiding resentment and achieving harmonious relationships.
Further Reading
The Master said, “The noble person seeks within himself; the petty person seeks in others.” Analects 15.21 (Wei Ling Gong)
Both emphasize self-reflection over blaming others as the mark of moral maturity.
The Master said, “When you see a worthy person, aspire to be like him; when you see an unworthy one, examine yourself inwardly.” Analects 4.17 (Li Ren)
Reinforces the habit of turning every observation into an opportunity for self-improvement, not judgment of others.
子曰：「躬自厚而薄責於人，則遠怨矣。」
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