Chen Kang asked Bo Yu (Kong Li), Confucius’son, “Have you received any special teachings from your father?”
Bo Yu replied, “Nothing special. Once, my father was standing alone in the courtyard, and I hurried past. He asked me, ‘Have you studied the Odes?’ I answered, ‘Not yet.’ He said, ‘If you do not study the Odes, you will have nothing to speak with.’ I went back and studied the Odes. Another day, he was again standing alone in the courtyard, and I hurried past. He asked, ‘Have you studied the Rites?’ I said, ‘Not yet.’ He said, ‘If you do not study the Rites, you will have no way to establish yourself.’ I went back and studied the Rites. These are the only two things I have heard.”
After hearing this, Chen Kang stepped back and said joyfully, “I asked one question but gained three insights: I learned about the Odes, I learned about the Rites, and I learned that the noble person keeps a proper distance from his own son.”
Note
This dialogue from the Analects of Confucius vividly illustrates the Confucian views on education and family ethics:
“Without studying the Odes, you cannot speak properly”: The Classic of Poetry (Book of Poetry) was not merely literature but a vital resource for diplomatic discourse, social interaction, and moral allusion among the nobility in the Spring and Autumn period. Mastery of the Odes enabled one to speak elegantly and persuasively – highlighting Confucian emphasis on linguistic refinement and cultural literacy.
“Without studying the Rites, you cannot establish yourself”: The Rites encompassed social order, behavioral norms, and ethical principles. Only by mastering rites could one act appropriately in society and gain a stable place within it – underscoring ritual as the foundation of personal development and social integration.
More profoundly, Confucius’ method of teaching his son reflects impartiality and fairness: he gave no secret or privileged instruction, but offered the same guidance in ordinary moments that he would to any student. This “keeping distance from one’s son” is not coldness, but a demonstration of educational equity and moral self-discipline – a true noble person does not relax standards for their children nor grant them favoritism.
Chen Kang’s “one question, three gains” also shows that Confucian learning involves not just knowledge, but holistic insight into the dignity of the teacher, pedagogical integrity, and moral character.
Today, the Odes can be understood as humanistic cultivation, and the Rites as awareness of rules and social wisdom. Confucius’ approach reminds us: the best family education is not indulgence or secret tutoring, but leading by example and guiding children equally through universal principles.
In short, Confucius teaches: The Odes give voice to virtue; the Rites ground one in society; impartiality in parenting nurtures true moral character.
Further Reading
The Master said, “I transmit but do not innovate; I am faithful to and love the ancients. In this, I venture to compare myself to Old Peng.” Analects 7.1 (Shu Er)
Both emphasize reverence for classical texts (Odes, Rites, ancient ways) as the basis of learning and moral transmission.
The Master said, “One is inspired by the Odes, established by the Rites, and perfected by Music.” Analects 8.8 (Tai Bo)
Directly parallels “without Odes, no speech; without Rites, no establishment” – showing the foundational role of Poetry and Ritual in Confucian education.
陳亢問於伯魚曰：「子亦有異聞乎？」對曰：「未也。嘗獨立，鯉趨而過庭。曰：『學詩乎？』對曰：『未也。』『不學詩，無以言。』鯉退而學詩。他日又獨立，鯉趨而過庭。曰：『學禮乎？』對曰：『未也。』『不學禮，無以立。』鯉退而學禮。聞斯二者。」陳亢退而喜曰：「問一得三，聞詩，聞禮，又聞君子之遠其子也。」
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