“Distant cannot separate close” or “Strangers never come before relatives” means that those who are distantly related should not interfere in the affairs of those who are closely related, and outsiders cannot drive a wedge between those with close bonds.
Historical Allusion
During the Warring States period, Marquis Wen of Wei sought to select a suitable chancellor and summoned the diviner Li Ke to consult him on whether to choose Zhai Huang or Wei Chengzi, asking for his divination and opinion. Li Ke, perceiving the underlying implications, avoided a direct answer, saying, “I have heard that the lowly should not advise the noble, and the distant should not separate the close. As an outsider, it is not my place to comment on this matter.”
Historical context of the Three Kingdoms
In 196 AD, Yuan Shu led his army to attack Xu Province, targeting Xiapi. Liu Bei left Zhang Fei to guard Xiapi while he led his main forces, including Guan Yu, to set up defenses along the Huai River. With the natural barrier of the Huai River and the support of the Chen family in Xiapi, Liu Bei successfully repelled Yuan Shu’s attacks, resulting in a stalemate.
To break this deadlock, Yuan Shu secretly wrote to Lü Bu, who was stationed at Xiaopei, promising to send him “200,000 hu of grain” and continuously provide supplies thereafter, tempting him to form an alliance and attack Liu Bei from the rear.
Coincidentally, internal conflict erupted in Xiapi City. A dispute arose between Cao Bao and Zhang Fei, leading Zhang Fei to attack Cao Bao, who fortified his camp in resistance. Xu Dan sided with Cao Bao and sent Zhang Kuang under cover of night to seek Lü Bu’s assistance.
Through this inside cooperation, Lü Bu easily captured Xiapi, seized Liu Bei’s wife and children, and took the families of the frontline soldiers hostage, along with the stockpiled provisions and supplies in the city.
The rupture of the Yuan Shu-Lü Bu alliance
Upon learning of the attack on Xiapi, Liu Bei immediately led his troops back to reinforce the city. However, when the soldiers learned that their families had been captured by Lü Bu, morale collapsed, and the army disintegrated. Liu Bei, Zhang Fei, and others could only gather the remaining troops and advance east, planning to attack and recapture Guangling Commandery along the coast. However, they were repelled again by Yuan Shu. Liu Bei had no choice but to retreat to Haixi County. As the army became trapped and provisions were exhausted, Mi Zhu generously funded Liu Bei’s forces, enabling him to regain his footing in the face of crisis. Fortunately, it was not long before the brief alliance between Lü Bu and Yuan Shu fell apart.
Ji Ling’s application
Yuan Shu, intending to attack Liu Bei stationed at Xiaopei again, feared that Lü Bu would send troops to rescue him.
At this point, Ji Ling proposed the “Distant Cannot Separate Close” stratagem. He planned to use a marriage alliance, having his son marry Lü Bu’s daughter, to win Lü Bu over and create distance between him and Liu Bei. This would allow Yuan Shu to focus on dealing with Liu Bei without facing a two-front war.
Ji Ling urged. “Lü Bu is a powerful warrior, and he controls Xuzhou. He and Liu Bei may prove too strong for us. I hear, though, that Lü Bu’s wife, Lady Yan, has a daughter ready for marriage; and you have a son who has come of age—that’s a way to ally your two houses. If Lü Bu agrees, he’ll have to kill Xuande because ‘Strangers never come before relatives.’” Yuan Shu agreed and sent Han Yin with appropriate gifts to arrange it.
–Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Chapter 16
Failure of the stratagem
This stratagem nearly succeeded with the help of Lü Bu’s advisor Chen Gong. However, it was ultimately thwarted by Chen Deng’s father, Chen Gui, who saved Lü Bu and, by extension, Liu Bei.
Initially, Chen Gong hasten the sending of his daughter. But after Chen Gui’s reminder, Lü Bu realized the danger and urgently recalled his daughter. Lü Bu, manipulated by Yuan Shu, Chen Gong, and Chen Gui, showed a lack of firm judgment.
“Some time ago,” replied Chen Gui, “Yuan Shu sent presents, hoping you would kill Xuande. But your marksmanship got Xuande out of that. Now he’s back again seeking an alliance through marriage. He must want your daughter as a hostage so he can attack Xuande. Once Xiaopei falls to him, Xuzhou is no longer safe. After the marriage they will come to borrow food or soldiers. If you meet their demands, you will be wearing yourself out for nothing and making enemies into the bargain. If you refuse, you will lose your daughter and find yourself at war with Yuan Shu. Or else, since Yuan Shu has seditious intentions and may declare himself emperor, you could be treated as a relative of the traitor, guilty of high treason, and have to face the world’s wrath.”
–Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Chapter 16
Yuan Shu, wanting to attack Liu Bei but fearing Lü Bu’s intervention, employed the “Distant Cannot Separate Close” stratagem, sending Han Yin to propose a marriage alliance to win Lü Bu over and create a rift with Liu Bei. However, his excessive eagerness for success robbed the stratagem of its subtlety, leading Lü Bu’s advisors to see through it easily. The plan failed to achieve its divisive goal and instead intensified the conflict between Lü Bu and Yuan Shu. Lü Bu ultimately killed Yuan Shu’s envoy, rupturing relations between them.
Although Lü Bu was capricious, Chen Gui’s persuasion made him realize the harm the marriage alliance would cause to his own interests. Furthermore, the lack of a solid foundation of trust between Yuan Shu and Lü Bu made it easy for the stratagem to be foiled.
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