Zixia asked about the treatment of parents. The Master said, “It is the demeanour that is difficult. Filial piety does not consist merely in young people undertaking the hard work, when anything has to be done, or serving their elders first with wine and food. It is something much more than that.”
子夏問孝。子曰：「色難。有事弟子服其勞，有酒食先生饌，曾是以為孝乎？」
Notes
In response to Zixia’s question, Confucius offered a nuanced interpretation of filial piety, transcending external acts (like labor or material support) to reveal its core: maintaining a pleasant countenance and reverential attitude toward one’s parents. This exposes filial piety’s spiritual essence — sincere emotional flow, not performative duty.
The challenge lies in one’s attitude and expression tests not only children but personal cultivation. To consistently overcome impatience or arrogance before parents is to master self-restraint and empathy — curbing negative emotions while understanding others’ feelings. Extended to the society, this helps cultivate the noble character of being gentle, kind-hearted, respectful, temperate, and unassuming.
Regarding filial piety, Confucius provided different answers to different individuals. This was because he tailored his guidance according to each person’s circumstances, taking into account factors such as the questioner’s family background, characteristics, knowledge level, and other conditions to offer answers they could readily understand.
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