Zengzi said, “I have heard this from the Master: There is no occasion on which a person exhausts all their emotions without reservation, except, perhaps, when mourning the death of their parents!”
Note
This passage, in which Zengzi relays Confucius’ teachings, profoundly reveals the Confucian insight into the “limits of genuine human emotion” and the “essence of filial piety”:
- Restraint and Release of Emotions:
In daily life, people often restrain their emotions due to reason, social norms, or self-protection, and rarely achieve “exhausting all emotions” (pouring out one’s feelings without holding back). However, when faced with the immense tragedy of losing a close relative (parents), the deep, blood-tie grief breaks through all barriers of reason, involuntarily causing one to pour out all their emotions. - The Natural Foundation of Filial Piety:
Confucius uses this to point out that the grief for one’s parents is the most instinctive, purest, and most unfeigned emotion. This ultimate grief is the natural psychological foundation of the Confucian concepts of “filial piety” and “Benevolence.” It proves that everyone possesses a heart of compassion and gratitude. - Rituals as the Adornment of Emotions:
This also explains why Confucianism attaches great importance to mourning rituals. Because a person’s emotions during the mourning of parents reach the peak of “exhaustion,” the various norms of mourning rituals (such as the duration of mourning and the moderation of weeping) are designed to accommodate, guide, and settle these extreme emotions, preventing them from completely destroying the physical and mental well-being of the living (i.e., “sorrow without excessive harm”).
The core of this thought lies in “the true expression of feelings” and “filial piety as the root of Benevolence.” It tells us that humanity’s deepest love and pain stem from blood-tie affection. This ultimate emotional experience is not only the brilliance of human nature but also the cornerstone upon which the entire Confucian moral edifice is built.
Further Reading
The Master said, “When a ruler is not tolerant, when he performs ceremonies without reverence, and when he mourns without sorrow, how can I bear to look upon him?”
The Master said, “A child does not leave the arms of its parents until it is three years old. The three-year mourning period is the universal mourning throughout the world. Did Yu not receive three years of love from his parents?”
Ziyou said, “In mourning, it is sufficient to express one’s genuine sorrow to the appropriate extent and then stop.”
These chapters collectively construct the core logic of Confucianism regarding “mourning rituals, emotions, and filial piety.” Whether it is Confucius using the “three-year mourning period” to question and verify the natural deep affection of children for their parents, Ziyou’s emphasis on the emotional bottom line of “expressing genuine sorrow to the appropriate extent,” or Confucius’ severe criticism of the hypocrisy of “mourning without sorrow,” their core logic is highly consistent: Confucianism highly values the authenticity of “sorrow” in mourning rituals, believing that this ultimate grief is the most genuine expression of human emotion. They jointly prove that Confucian rituals are by no means cold dogmas, but are built upon the foundation of humanity’s deepest familial affection (filial piety); only heartfelt sorrow is the soul of the rituals.
曾子曰：「吾聞諸夫子：人未有自致者也，必也親喪乎！」
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