The Master said, “Only maidservants and menials are the most difficult to deal with. If you are too close to them, they become insolent and lack propriety; if you keep them at a distance, they will harbor resentment.”
Note
This passage is one of the most controversial yet context-dependent chapters in The Analects. To accurately interpret its thought, one must clarify the specific references of “women” and “petty men” in the pre-Qin era:
- Restoration of the Historical Context: In the pre-Qin period, “women” mostly referred specifically to maidservants or concubines in a household, rather than all women in general; “petty men” referred to servants or retainers of low status, rather than those of bad moral character. Confucius’ remark is largely based on the practical experience of how a master should manage domestic servants under the ancient patriarchal clan system.
- Interpersonal Boundaries and the Doctrine of the Mean: Setting aside historical limitations, this statement reveals the philosophy of “sense of distance” and “sense of proportion” in interpersonal relationships. Confucius points out the dilemma in management or interaction: excessive closeness leads the other party to lose reverence and boundaries (insolence), while excessive distance triggers opposition and resentment. This requires people to grasp the scale of the “Doctrine of the Mean” in interpersonal relationships, achieving “closeness with boundaries, and distance with propriety” – maintaining appropriate authority and boundaries while providing due respect and care.
Further Reading
The Master said, “The gentleman is calm and composed but not arrogant; the petty man is arrogant but not calm and composed.”
Confucius said, “There are three kinds of beneficial friends and three kinds of harmful friends. To be friends with the upright, the sincere, and the well-informed is beneficial. To be friends with the obsequious, the ingratiating, and the glib is harmful.”
These chapters collectively demonstrate Confucius’ profound insight into the character traits, interaction patterns, and moral cultivation of “gentlemen” and “petty men.” Whether pointing out the psychological state of petty men being “arrogant but not composed,” emphasizing the need to stay away from friends who are superficially ingratiating but actually harmful, or analyzing the dilemma of “becoming insolent when close, and harboring resentment when distant” when dealing with servants, their core logic is highly consistent: Confucianism highly emphasizes the “sense of proportion” and “insight into others” in interpersonal relationships. They jointly prove that, in Confucius’s view, whether cultivating oneself or treating others, one must clearly identify the target, adhere to principles and boundaries, neither getting close without a bottom line nor distancing oneself arrogantly.
子曰：「唯女子與小人為難養也，近之則不孫，遠之則怨。」
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