The wife of a feudal lord is called “Fu Ren” (Lady) by her husband; she refers to herself humbly as “Xiao Tong” (Little Child); the people of her state call her “Jun Fu Ren” (Lord’s Lady); when her state refers to her when speaking to other states, she is called “Gua Xiao Jun” (My Humble Little Lord); and people from other states also call her “Jun Fu Ren” (Lord’s Lady).
Note
Although this passage from the Analects – Lunyu appears to merely record the formal titles used for a noblewoman in different contexts, it profoundly embodies the Confucian core of ritual propriety – namely, correct naming, hierarchical order, and mutual respect through humility.
“Names” establish proper roles: Different people use different terms for the same person – not arbitrarily, but strictly according to their relationship, the context (domestic vs. foreign), and social rank. This ensures clarity in each individual’s place within the social order, preventing confusion.
Humility and respect are differentiated: The lady’s self-reference as “Xiao Tong” is a classic expression of modesty, reflecting the ritual principle of “belittling oneself to honor others.” Her husband’s address of “Fu Ren” is a formal honorific; the people’s and foreigners’ use of “Jun Fu Ren” acknowledges her status with respect. This system constructs an interpersonal order that is both respectful and hierarchically clear.
Distinction between internal and external: “Gua Xiao Jun” is a humble term used by her own state when referring to her abroad (“Gua” implies insufficient virtue; “Xiao Jun” is a respectful title for the ruler’s consort). This maintains diplomatic courtesy without compromising national dignity – reflecting the Confucian wisdom of “strictness within, courtesy without.”
Crucially, this passage appears in Analects 16.14, immediately following moral teachings like “the noble person has nine reflections” and “seeing goodness as if unable to catch up.” This shows Confucius did not confine ethics to abstract ideals; he believed ritual manifests precisely in everyday details like forms of address. True cultivation reveals itself in the smallest choices of speech.
In modern society, though rigid hierarchies have faded, the underlying principles – respecting others, being mindful of context, and practicing humility in communication – remain universally valuable. Appropriate forms of address are still foundational to civilized interaction.
In short, Confucius teaches: Forms of address are no trivial matter; a single word reveals ritual and righteousness. When names are correct, speech is appropriate; when speech is appropriate, affairs succeed.
Further Reading
Zilu said, “If the ruler of Wei were to await you to govern, what would you prioritize?” The Master said, “Certainly the rectification of names! … If names are not correct, speech will not be in accord; if speech is not in accord, affairs will not succeed…“
— Analects 13.3 (Zi Lu)
Both emphasize the foundational role of “correct naming” (zheng ming) in social order and effective governance – the current passage exemplifies zheng ming in practice.
The Master said, “Respectfulness without li leads to weariness; caution without li leads to timidity; courage without li leads to chaos; straightforwardness without li leads to harshness.“
— Analects 8.2 (Tai Bo)
Reinforces that even good qualities require li (like proper speech and titles) to be expressed appropriately – otherwise they become flaws.
邦君之妻，君稱之曰夫人，夫人自稱曰小童；邦人稱之曰君夫人，稱諸異邦曰寡小君；異邦人稱之亦曰君夫人。
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