Mencius – Chapter 8.30 Perils of moral criticism in families – hidden virtue of Kuang Zhang

Gong Du Zi (Gongdu Zi) asked Mencius:

“Everyone in the state says Kuang Zhang is unfilial. Yet you not only associate with him but also treat him with great courtesy. May I ask why?”

Mencius replied:

“What ordinary people call ‘unfilial’ falls into five categories:

Being lazy and neglecting to support one’s parents;
Obsessed with gambling and drinking, ignoring parental care;
Greedy for wealth, favoring wife and children over parents;
Indulging in sensual pleasures, bringing shame upon one’s parents;
Loving violence and quarrels, thereby endangering one’s parents.

Has Kuang Zhang committed any of these?

In truth, Kuang Zhang’s issue is this: he and his father both tried to ‘urge each other toward goodness’, but this led to estrangement – they could no longer get along. But urging one another toward virtue is the way between friends; when applied between father and son, it deeply damages affection.

Does Kuang Zhang not long for a normal family – with wife, children, and parental love? Precisely because he offended his father and was banished, he had to divorce his wife, send away his children, and refuse their care for life.

In his heart, he believes: ‘If I do not act this way – if I still enjoy family life – then that would be my greatest sin.’ That is who Kuang Zhang truly is.”

公都子曰：「匡章，通國皆稱不孝焉。夫子與之遊，又從而禮貌之，敢問何也？」

孟子曰：「世俗所謂不孝者五：惰其四支，不顧父母之養，一不孝也；博弈好飲酒，不顧父母之養，二不孝也；好貨財，私妻子，不顧父母之養，三不孝也；從耳目之欲，以為父母戮，四不孝也；好勇鬥很，以危父母，五不孝也。章子有一於是乎？夫章子，子父責善而不相遇也。責善，朋友之道也；父子責善，賊恩之大者。夫章子，豈不欲有夫妻子母之屬哉？為得罪於父，不得近。出妻屏子，終身不養焉。其設心以為不若是，是則罪之大者，是則章子已矣。

Note

This passage from Mencius: Li Lou II offers a profound reflection on the true nature of filial piety, the limits of moral criticism in family relations, and the ethics of judgment.

The world judges filiality by appearances; Mencius discerns it by inner intent. Kuang Zhang is not truly unfilial – he was torn apart by the clash of moral ideals within his family, and chose self-sacrifice to honor his father’s dignity. His pain is understandable; his resolve, admirable.

The “Five forms of unfilial conduct”

Mencius begins by listing socially accepted criteria for unfilial behavior – all centered on neglecting material or moral support for parents. These align with classical texts like the Classic of Filial Piety, which emphasizes providing for parents as the foundation of filial duty. Kuang Zhang violates none of these, exposing the baselessness of public condemnation.

The danger of “Urging toward goodness” in families

The core issue is mutual moral criticism between father and son. Mencius declares:

“Urging toward goodness is the way of friends; between father and son, it is the greatest destroyer of affection.”

• Friends are equals who may frankly correct each other;
• Father and son share an unchosen bond of love, where rigid moral demands can fracture trust.
  This echoes Confucius’s advice: “Remonstrate gently with parents” (Analects 4.18), prioritizing harmony over being “right.”

“In serving his father and mother a man may gently remonstrate with them. But if he sees that he has failed to change their opinion, he should resume an attitude of deference and not thwart them; may feel discouraged, but not resentful.”

And that is also the reason why fathers shouldn’t be their sons’ teachers.

Kuang Zhang’s Self-punishment

Kuang Zhang’s exile of his own family is not selfishness but a radical act of atonement. He believes enjoying domestic happiness while estranged from his father would compound his offense.

By denying himself joy, he seeks to uphold his father’s authority and the ritual order – a tragic yet sincere expression of filial consciousness.

Intent over Appearance

While society sees only outward estrangement, Mencius looks inward – to motive and heart. This reflects the Confucian principle that inner sincerity outweighs external conformity, as in the Book of Rites:

“Better to have grief without full rites than rites without genuine sorrow.”

Historical Context: Who was Kuang Zhang?

A renowned general of Qi, Kuang Zhang led successful campaigns against Yan state in 314 BCE, but was widely labeled “unfilial,” likely due to ideological clashes with his father. Mencius’s friendship with him demonstrates his refusal to judge by popular opinion, valuing moral integrity over reputation.

Later Interpretations

Zhu Xi acknowledged Kuang Zhang’s error in applying “friendship ethics” to family, yet affirmed his underlying filial heart.

Later thinkers like Li Zhi (Ming dynasty) questioned blind filial obedience, advocating more equal parent-child dialogue – showing the enduring tension Mencius identified.

Today, families often fracture over “moral correctness” – parents demanding career success, children condemning traditional values.

Mencius warns: love cannot survive constant moral policing. Moreover, we should avoid snap judgments about others’ family struggles, which often conceal deep pain.

In essence:

The crowd sees abandonment and cries ‘unfilial’; Mencius sees a broken heart striving for righteousness. To wound love in the name of virtue is the true tragedy – and sometimes, silence and sacrifice are the only language left to speak filial devotion.