Mencius said, “To provide someone with food but not love them is to treat them as one treats a pig; to love them but not respect them is to keep them as one keeps an animal. A feeling of respect should exist before any gifts are presented. If there is a show of respect without genuine sincerity, a gentleman cannot be bound by such empty formalities.”
Note
This passage from the Jin Xin I chapter of the Mencius is a profound analysis of “emotion and etiquette in interpersonal relationships.” Drawing on traditional commentaries and historical context, we can understand its underlying thought through the following dimensions:
- The Hierarchy of Emotion and Respect: The Metaphors of “Treating as a Pig” and “Keeping as an Animal”
Mencius uses extremely vivid, even somewhat jarring metaphors, to draw a bottom line for interpersonal relationships. In ancient times when material resources were scarce, providing food (“shi”) was the foundation of maintaining relationships. However, Mencius points out that having only material provision without spiritual care (“not loving”) degrades human relationships to the level of raising livestock (“treating as a pig”). Even if there is care, if there is a lack of sincere respect (“not respecting”), the relationship still carries a condescending tone of domestication (“keeping as an animal”). Mencius uses this to establish the hierarchy of Confucian “benevolence”: truly treating people well must be a unity of material provision, emotional care, and respect for their dignity. - The Core of Etiquette: “Respect Should Exist Before Gifts Are Presented”
In ancient times, “bi” referred to silk fabrics and other items used as gifts in social exchanges. Mencius explores the essence of “etiquette” here. He believes that true respect is an emotion that comes from within, and it must exist before the external act of presenting gifts. Gifts are merely the vehicle and expression of inner respect. If this order is reversed, and one only focuses on the form of gift-giving while ignoring inner sincerity, etiquette degenerates into hypocritical performance. This profoundly critiques the hypocritical social customs prevalent at the time that were obsessed with superficial forms. - The Independence and Clarity of the Gentleman: The Principle of Interaction of “Cannot Be Bound by Empty Formalities”
Mencius concludes with the gentleman’s attitude toward the world: “If there is a show of respect without genuine sincerity, a gentleman cannot be bound by such empty formalities.” During the Warring States period, many nobles, in order to attract talent, would superficially show respect to scholars while harboring arrogance in their hearts, attempting to use hypocritical “respect” to bind (“ju”) talented individuals. Mencius teaches that a gentleman possesses an independent personality and clear judgment. They value sincere treatment and will never force themselves to cater to or submit to someone simply because of that person’s hypocritical show of respect. This reflects the Confucian wisdom of interaction that is neither humble nor arrogant, and that values substance over form.
孟子曰：“食而弗爱，豕交之也；爱而不敬，兽畜之也。恭敬者，币之未将者也。恭敬而无实，君子不可虚拘。”
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