Caigentan 113. Composed restraint for kin, Candid truth for friends

When unexpected troubles break out between family members, keep calm instead of being upset.

When a friend errs, be sure to give him kind advice and help him mend his ways; do not let him go his own way.

处父兄骨肉之变,宜从容不宜激烈;遇朋友交游之失,宜剀切不宜优游。

Notes

  • When facing conflicts with family, respond with composed restraint, not confrontational intensity;
  • When confronting friends’ errors, offer candid guidance, not evasive tact.

The uniqueness of kinship demands forbearance over fault-finding — blood bonds endure, but fierce clashes deepen wounds; only calm containment preserves the roots.

The value of friendship lies in mutual refinement — overlooking a friend’s failing betrays the bond; earnest admonition alone embodies true care.

Interpersonal wisdom flows not from rigid formulas, but from discerning each relationship’s essence. True relational artistry means cherishing bonds in the way they require to thrive.

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