We should not always keep in mind the good deeds we have done for others. At the same time, we should often reflect on the harm we have done to others.
By the same token, we should not forget the favours others have done for us, but should cast to the winds all resentment against others.
我有功于人不可念，而过则不可不念；人有恩于我不可忘，而怨则不可不忘。
Notes
Self-effacement & Moral refinement
- Forget your merits: True benevolence requires no mental ledger. Like Dao De Jing’s “claim no credit for deeds done”, acts of help should flow naturally, leaving no ego-residue.
- Remember your faults: Vigilant self-reflection drives growth and authentic reconciliation.
Gratitude as Balm, Release as Liberation
- Cherish others’ kindness: Remembering nurtures ongoing goodwill –transforming “debt” into a cycle of warmth that oils human connections.
- Release grievances: Not weakness, but refusing to let others’ poison linger in your soul. Distance from harm, but not harboring hate.
Ultimate Wisdom
Relationships thrive on conscious inner choices.
- Forgetting your “merits” opens eyes to others’ grace.
- Remembering your “faults” softens judgment of others’ flaws.
- In “forgetting gains, recalling faults” lies self-cultivation;
- In “holding grace, releasing grudges” lies world-embracing peace.
This is life’s lucidity, and the deepest self-compassion.
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